It was hidden so deep at a corner in my soul...I had even forgotten it was there. It didn't take much space and that was why I had gone a year with it unnoticed.
If I had died today, I definitely would have gone to hell, "When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God." Galatians 5:19-21,NLT. and the unfortunate thing is that people would have been crying and thanking God that I made it to heaven whereas, I would have been languishing in hell...
I guess you already know what it is, It is UNFORGIVENESS...
I was reminded of the people still locked up in my heart and as I recalled the incidences, emotions that I didn't know existed started to spring up like bitterness, pain in my heart, sadness in mind, anger. It seemed like there were so many emotions that had been bottled and sealed up in my heart for so long...
I was about to start the blame game,"Why didn't I retaliate?","Why didn't I speak up?", "Why didn't I do this?" and "Why didn't I do that?", when the Holy Spirit reminded me of a book I was presently reading called "WHEN TO SPEAK UP & WHEN TO SHUT UP: Principles for conversations you won't regret" by Dr. Michael D. Sedler...
From the book, I learnt that because I was quiet when I should have spoken, I was now battling with the consequences, Unforgiveness, my one-way ticket to HELL.
Anyways, I asked God for the grace to forgive them, then, I (literally) said, "I forgive you, Auntie, I forgive you, Papa, I forgive you, Unclair. I forgive you with the whole of my heart". I know that sometimes, the pain or bitterness may want to surface whenever I reflect back but this is where the grace of God comes in, I would confess my weakness and take up God's strenght and I know in time, the pain and all that comes with it will fade out...
You know, Time + God on your side, heals all wounds...no matter how deep, so don't let the flies of sin pester on the wound and make it infected with the pus of Unforgiveness, so that you don't use your last cash to buy your one-way flight ticket to HELL, like I almost did....
Thank God for the Holy Spirit... Our Ever present help in time of need... (If you need more counselling in dealing with unforgiveness, walk up to any Christian book shop and ask for books on "Forgiveness", "Healing", coupled with your Bible, I believe that the Lord will do the unexpected in your heart). Shalom!
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28,NLT
